dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
