I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
