So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
