The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
