I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
