Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
