Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
