Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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