shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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