eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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