So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
