You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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