I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
