Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
