So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
