I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
