She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
