I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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