apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
