her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
