"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
