Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
