I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bring me that man meat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
