my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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