He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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