According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
