dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
