I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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