someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
