Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
