the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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