Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
