Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
