Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
