Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
