Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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