ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
