We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
