My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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