We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
