I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
