I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
