Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
