You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize