is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
