God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize