feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
