So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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