My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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