I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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