You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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