sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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