farters have to be the big spoon...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
