real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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