it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
