I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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