So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
