this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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