Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
