Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
