saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
