I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
