nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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