I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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