do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
