So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize