the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
