she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
