doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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