I want to have your abortion
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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