Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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