there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
