So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
